Rocking Your Vote
This morning while voting in the Democratic primary (yes, I decided against the Republican primary even though it’s much more exciting and I have been known to cross over in the past) I witnessed voter...
View ArticleHorse Whisperer
I’m not sure if you’ve heard but Mitt Romney wants to burn down unemployed teachers’ houses and leave the crime unsolved. Now you may think this sounds a little harsh but teachers, firefighters and the...
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Eloise and Eloise at the Plaza
Apparently the traditionally Mormon Marriott has gone lesbian. In fact in every room next to the Book of Mormon you’ll now find a copy of Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway. Marriott International—which...
View ArticleWeekend at Romney’s
You remember Tim Pawlenty? No, of course you don’t. That’s why he would make an excellent choice for Romney’s vice president, given that he’s the only person aside from a corpse who could make Romney...
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Leaving on a Jet Ski
So how did you celebrate your Independence Day? Me first. I didn’t “celebrate” as much as “wait for the text that never came inviting me to a last-minute cookout.” I was already dressed as a tea party...
View ArticleEat the Rich
I trust everyone had a nice weekend, especially here in Austin where drops of free water fell from the sky. I was out walking my pug (pug references have officially overtaken cheerleading references)...
View ArticleOMG THE GLOVES ARE OFF! OMG WHEN WERE THEY ON?
I’ve been quite busy this week and for those of you thinking how could you possibly be busy I assure you that I am. And why, you may ask? I’ve been preparing for my trip to Italy where I’ll be spending...
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Eat! Pray! Kiss My Ass!
I’m back from my Italy holiday and suffering from a severe case of jetlag. (I know this because that sentence took me five rewrites to finish.) Not that I’m one to complain, considering this is where...
View ArticleOH NO YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME A SODIUM NITRATE-LADEN DELI MEAT
I apologize for my absence yesterday. I had to take my car into the shop because my A/C is busted. As in MY AIR CONDITIONING. Trust me. You can only go so long driving around in 120-degree weather with...
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Romney’s VP Pick Will Rock Your Sad Little World
According to three new polls out today Obama’s ahead. The Romney camp quickly dismissed these new findings as a bunch of Obamaloney. (Speaking of baloney, who else remembers the deliciousness that was...
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And God Created Ryan
Who announces a VP pick at 8:30AM CST on a Saturday? I was barely awake and, apparently, so was Paul Ryan, who was sporting a 5 o’clock shadow and looked like he had just rolled out of bed. Was this...
View ArticleWhen Romney Picked Ryan
Just what Romney needs. To lose even more of the women’s vote. I’m beginning to think that the only women who will end up voting for Romney are women who defer to their husbands because the only reason...
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Stormin’ Mormons
Last night I watched Rock Center with Brian Williams only because they were doing a special on Mormons. I usually make a point of not watching Rock Center because I hate to see a man as attractive as...
View ArticleI Am Woman! Hear Me Pander!
Ann Romney delivered her long-anticipated convention speech last night hoping to “humanize” her husband. It might have even worked, had it not been for his surprise appearance at the end. All of a...
View ArticleChairman of the Bored
The big news from last night was Clint Eastwood’s bizarre speech and his interview with an empty chair. Yes, the man behind two of my favorite movies—Unforgiven and Million Dollar Baby—completely lost...
View ArticleRomney Jumps the Shark
Good God. There are times when we must rise above politics to come together in crisis. Like a tragedy in Libya that left a U.S. ambassador dead as well as three other Americans. But apparently Mitt...
View ArticleAmerica’s Funniest Republican Videos
You know, I basically don’t say anything anymore without carefully checking every corner of my house for recording devices. I also make it a practice to pat down both friends and acquaintances to make...
View ArticleGone in 120 Seconds
I apologize for the late posting. I was attacked by a ruthless army of fire ants last night while picking up my dog’s excrement. My foot immediately ballooned into an unrecognizable appendage that I...
View ArticleThe Ties that Binder Us
In case you missed the debate last night, and shame on you if you did, you missed what has to be the creepiest moment in this entire election season. When Mitt Romney, channeling his inner Buffalo...
View ArticlePay It Backward
I apologize for my absence over the past couple of days. I was being interrogated by the CIA over a series of questionable and, yes, possibly flirtatious emails I sent to the entire U.S. Army including...
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